Win a competitive eating contest (and other things I won’t accomplish before 30)


Tomorrow is the first day of the last year of my twenties. Starting at midnight, the clock will be ticking on all the things I once dreamed of doing before I turned 30. How does this make me feel? Just fine. Mostly, my “list” was frivolous and self-serving. Still, there’s a part of me that longs to squeeze some of these in during the next 365 days. I might as well write some down (along with some other random things), so at the end of this year I can look back and say, “Wow, I accomplished nothing, but at least I survived another trip around the sun.” Because really, that’s all I  hope to do.

15 Things I Won’t Accomplish Before 30:

1. Travel to Moscow
2. Become a millionaire
3. Strut the runway in Milan
4. Publish a novel (I very well may write one, but getting it published is another ordeal)
5. Have a third child (unless I get pregnant in the next three months, highly unlikely)
6. Learn to drive a stick-shift (I’m sure I could if I wanted to, but I have no desire)
7. Skydive (Again, I could if I wanted to, but there’s no way in h-e-double hockey sticks)
8. Run a marathon (I ran a half several years ago, and that was enough for me)
9. Win a competitive eating contest
10. Bust out of prison
11. Have all of my tattoos removed (I have none, so unless I decided to get a bunch, and then remove them, ain’t happening)
12. Ride a motorcycle (never have, not sure I care to)
13. Shoe a horse (although I may “shoo” a horse)
14. Hand dig a thousand holes for our Christmas tree farm using only a thimble (most random thing I could think of)
15. Photo bomb Ellen DeGeneres fist-bumping Adam Sandler (I was wrong about #14, this is the most random)

So, here’s to keeping my expectations low for the last year of my twenties, and just staying alive!